Saturday, February 23, 2008

Discipline and Change

I'm coming off of a tough week, yet it's been good at the same time. It's been filled with surprises, pain, tears, lessons and time spent with friends.

As for the lessons I've been learning, that's where the pain and tears come in. I'm going through some spiritual changes here, and it hurts to be disciplined. There are hours when I believe God is going to make everything right. Then there are moments that everything seems so hard. Moments when I think things will surely fall apart. I can't seem to stay in any one particular place - trust or doubt. I can't even say for sure that my doubt is in God. I think my doubt is more in myself and whether or not I will obey Him. I can be stubborn.

And then there's the question, Why so many lessons at once? Do I really need to be tested in every tender place of my heart? Can't I just have one at a time? I'm feeling it from all sides: in friendships, in weight loss, physical pain, in my marriage, at work, in my church... It feels like the trials are just piled on, one after another. Still, I can't escape the knowlege that God is in control, and He disciplines us for our good. I must come to the conclusion then that if I'm being tested in all these ways right now, God planned it and I am able to bear it.

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