Remembering...

As we contemplate the year that has passed on this final day of 2010, I wanted to revisit my first post of the year.  It was the most memorable for me because it was the pre-cursor to one of the heaviest trials of my life that was to begin for me within a month of writing it. 

What you don't know is that I had written this on January 2nd with tears, not knowing what was to come.  I just knew that what I was writing was weighty for me because I had to put my faith into action when the hard things came.  I couldn't write these things from my heart, only to take it all back in the face of adversity because I changed my mind. 

Because of God's grace, I have not changed my mind about what I've written, and I still face the trial.  The trial has changed from what it first was, but it continues.  Have I learned how to suffer well?  Not yet.  I need to keep working on it.

If you are willing to oblige me, let's revisit my thoughts of January 2, 2010.....

2010: A Year of Comfort or Trials?

As we readied to say goodbye to 2009 and ring in 2010, I read many Facebook statuses and heard people saying something like this:

I am ready to be done with 2009.  I hope 2010 is a lot better.  This was a bad year.

I sure can identify with that statement.  I was feeling the same way at the end of 2008, and I'm pretty sure I felt that way the year prior as well.  It seems there were plenty of hardships that seemed unbearable at times and just wanted to get past them. 

Yet I guess it really struck a cord with me this time as I heard it coming from so many people.  I understand what it's all about.  Unemployment has been widespread.  I have friends who have returned to school who are trying to juggle family with that new adjustment in the mix.  Some have lost loved ones to death.  The list of pressures and heartaches goes on and on.

What if we change our perspective, though?  What if we look at what God says about all of our struggles of 2009 and what they amount to?  Would our perspective change?

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,  who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith--the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 1:3-9 (NKJV)

Do you see the problem with our perspective on trial?  The very things we are ready to escape by turning the page of a calendar are the things God has ordained for us to experience to grow our precious faith.  The apostle Paul calls it a faith that is "more precious than gold that perishes."  And to what end?  That I might bring praise and honor and glory to Jesus Christ. 

But I just want to be happy, you might be saying.  Yeah.  Me too.  Let's be honest, though.  Happiness is relative and passes quickly. 

The truth of it is, we have been called to suffering.  Let me say that again.  Christians have been called to suffering.  Are you cringing right now?  It's a hard truth, I know.  How can you read 1 Peter 1 and come to any other conclusion, though?  He says that these trials that grieve us will prove the genuineness of our faith.  They make it precious.  They make it valuable.  They make it real.

This truth is something I have had to learn in the last few years and something I continue to wrestle with because just like everyone else, I crave comfort, not trial.  The real question is, what am I living for?  Comfort, ease, everything going my way?  Or do I live for the Lord Jesus Christ, hope of heaven, eternal rewards, and a faith to call more precious than gold?

Whatever God has planned for your 2010, it's my prayer that you and I trust Him and cling to Him as our only Source of goodness.  When He gives you the dearest desires of your heart and unexpected joys, thank Him.  And when the suffering and hardship come, thank Him... because He loves you so much He wants to grow your faith.  Will you let Him?

God is good all the time.  All the time God is good.

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Grasping at Grace

Let the countdown begin!  I just looked at the calendar and realized I leave for teen camp in 21 days.  Twenty.One.Days.  I didn't realize it was less than 30.  I guess I better get my packing list started.

Do you remember last year and my first experience of helping at camp?  It went pretty well, and I am ready to do it again.  At least, I think I'm ready to do it again.

But am I ready to go for two weeks of camp?  Yes, the juniors' camp is the following week.  And yes, I am going.  It's a day shorter than teen camp, but the children are younger.  That requires the leaders to be a little more hands-on with the campers.

This time camp will involve a new experience for me.  Although I know what to anticipate, the newness comes particularly with the junior campers.  I've spent the last nine months getting to know them in Word of Life club and Sunday school.  It will be cool to spend those few days with them, acting as a stand-in-mom of sorts.  My nieces and nephews will be there, too, which will make it extra special for me to be able to spend those few days with them.

Needless to say, in these coming weeks I will be looking to the Lord for grace.  I'm anticipating good things, but the experience is not going to be easy.  This seems to be a season God has brought me to, in order to teach me more about His grace.  Lots of stretching and opportunities for growth these days. 

Some days I fully grasp His grace.  Still other days I fail altogether to grasp it.  I'm just thankful that His well never runs dry.

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

~Hebrews 4:15-16 (NKJV)

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It's Always the Little Things

In the past two weeks the Lord has really been impressing upon me the need to use my time wisely.  Last week I had been feeling the pressure of the various things I needed to complete, but I didn't feel like I had the time to even sit down and come up with a solution to manage my time.  Unless you count last Thursday when I wasted good time and then felt guilty afterward.  {ahem!}

This week started off the same, until the Lord made it evident to me that I really do have time to do the things I need to do.  I just got my priorities out of whack.  If we do the necessary things first, then the rest will fall into place.

First thing in the mornings I've begun to do something as simple as writing down on paper the studying and reading I must get done that day for the ministries and Bible studies I'm involved in during the week.  I couldn't believe the difference it made. 

Really?  Could it be that simple? 

I can look at that short list and know about how much time it should take me to finish my work after I get home in the afternoon.  For some reason, having it down in print makes it easier to assess how much time I will need to spend. 

I know all you list makers and organizing junkies out there are scoffing at me right now.  Listen, I have never been a list person, and I didn't really want to become one.  It's probably the "recovering" perfectionist in me.  If I were to fail at completing the tasks on the list, I would give up.  And then I'd get frustrated.  And mad.

It's just that I'm now seeing the value to doing this one little thing, and I'm pretty sure that the Lord directed me in it.  Typically, if I do something opposite of what I would normally do, I know it's the Lord who's prompted me. 

And if I didn't start using the list, I think I would continue living with guilt day after day for not doing the needful things.  So a list, albeit a small one, will be assimilated into my life.

It's all about the baby steps, you know?

  

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What I Learned This Week: 2nd Edition

This week has been a tough week, as far as spiritual challenges go.  Every week at ladies Bible study I've been asking them to pray for my continued spiritual growth.  I can't help but think that if you're going to ask God for spiritual growth in your life, you better be prepared for some stretching.

So streeeeetching it is.  Ouch, does it hurt!

Seems that the area God has chosen to do the stretching in is concerning my attitude at work.  And yes, I am a church secretary with a bad attitude.  Please don't gasp so hard that you suck the cursor right out of your computer screen.  I'm a sinner who happens to work at a church.

My sin problems are in the anger, pride and fear departments, and they manifest themselves in perfectionism.  Did I ever tell you I'm a perfectionist?  I'm pretty sure it was on my list of 25 things about Liz, although I believe it was listed as a "recovering perfectionist".  Yeah, at least, that's what I thought.

I realized a couple days ago that my perfectionism has been causing me some undue grief.  Maybe I'm not as "recovered" as I thought I was.  I couldn't believe it was still hanging on like that.  I got to thinking that if I would look at my work from a different perspective, I would probably cut out a big chunk of my aggravation. 

I went into work Monday prayerfully, and I was able to see things differently.  It was surprising!  I was calm, even under the same circumstances that would normally set me off.  Calm.  Thank you, Lord.  I learned I can be calm.

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer  and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard  your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:5-7 (NASB)

*Head over to Musings of a Housewife, and see what other bloggers have learned this week.

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What I Learned This Week: 1st Edition

What did I learn this week?  It's pretty simple, really.  I learned that I'm just as sinful as the next guy... or girl.

In the last 7 days or so I've gotten pretty miffed, steamed, and quite ticked off at various people at church.  {gasp}  Yes, you heard me right.  At church.  Let me tell you... I was quite justified in every one of those incidents, too.  {ahem}

Strange thing happened, though.  Within 24 hours of each of those incidents I was making demands within my own heart that each of those offenders had made of me.  Oh, I never spoke them out loud to anyone, but I know what was going on in my thoughts.  God made it glaringly clear to me that I am JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.  A sinner.  {sigh}

You know what?  That's why I need the grace of God, and it's also why I need to extend grace to others.  We are not perfect, no matter how much I wish I was.  I'm not.  That's why the apostle Paul told us that we need to bear with each other and forgive when there is an offense because we want to look like Christ and have the kind of love we've been called to have in His body. 

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.  - Colossians 3:12-15 (NKJV)

So the next time I get a little crosswise with someone, I'm praying I'll remember I am exactly like them.  Very much in need of grace....and willing to extend some.

~Click on over to Musings of a Housewife to see what other bloggers have learned this week.~

Gift or Expectation?

God brought a story to my remembrance this week that I read about a year and a half ago.  The reminder took me by surprise because I read it so long ago, and I hadn't really thought about it in quite some time.  He used it to show me how I was responding to a difficult situation in my life in a sinful way.  I confessed my sinful response, and every time I start thinking wrong thoughts again, this story comes back to mind again.

Let me set the story up for you.  A man wanted to conduct an experiment with people.  He decided that every day for 30 days he would walk down a street in a particular neighborhood and hand out a $100 bill at each home, NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

On the first day of his experiment, as he went from house to house, the residents seemed extremely suspicious--of his sanity.  They would hesitantly reach from behind their screen doors and then quickly grab the bills.  They reacted similarly on the second day of his rounds.

But by the third and fourth days, many of the people had spent the bills and found them to be the real thing.  The neighborhood was buzzing with news of these daily gifts of hundred-dollar bills.

The second week people were actually waiting on their front porches, peering down the street as they watched for the man to come.  They began visiting with one another, shouting in neighborly fashion across yards and the street.

By the third week, however, the novelty of the man's visits seemed to be wearing off.  The residents had a humdrum attitude toward the daily gifts.  The gifts were becoming old hat.  By the fourth week, when the pattern of visits had become firmly established, they were considered an accepted part of everyday neighborhood life.

On the last day of the month the man tried a different approach.  He walked down the street again but with no money to give away.  As he did so, a strange thing happened.  Residents threw open their doors, stepped out on their porches, and shouted angrily, "Where's our money?" and "You so-and-so, how dare you not give me my hundred dollars today!"

What had happened?  The people had come to expect and even demand something that was originally presented to them as an unmerited gift.  They had grown to feel that the man owed them the money.

We can be the same way...with God.  All our life--our families, our friends, our material possessions, our health--starts out as a gift.  As life goes on, we can begin to take those gifts for granted and develop expectations of how things are supposed to be.  If and when the gifts are withdrawn, we may become angry or demanding because we think we have a right to them.  Instead, we would be wise to determine to be grateful for whatever is given to us.

(Faith is Not a Feeling, Ney Bailey, p. 71-72)

It shames me to read this story because I know I have come to demand one of God's gifts, and it's taken a season of the gift being removed to see how I've come to expect the gift and shaken my fist at Him and said, "You so-and-so, how dare you not give me my hundred dollars today!"  I haven't spoken those words, but it's my heart's attitude when I say, "Why, God?  This is not fair!"  How could I say that to God when He has given me so much...and all of it is His undeserved grace and mercy?

I'm Okay With That

Something odd happened today.  I was out to lunch with some friends, and when we were leaving, my stomach wasn't feeling so hot.  That's not the odd part.  That's been normal for months.  I'm leading up to the odd part.  Anyway, I told them that I wasn't feeling well and needed to get home.  One of them jokingly said, Why don't you get a colonoscopy.  To which I replied, I'm going to.  They looked at me with surprise and asked, Really?  I said, Yeah, I really am.  I made an appointment and everything."

Do you know what?  And this is this odd part.  I was O-K-A-Y with that.  I am okay with getting my colonoscopy.  I've discovered it's actually freeing to have an appointment and know that there is a date that it will be over with and we'll find out what might be going on in the dark recesses of my body.

Alright... one of you has been praying for me.  Which one of you was it?