I'm sure you don't struggle spiritually like I do, so you probably wouldn't understand how I've been feeling depressed the last couple days. I can't even tell you the number of times over the course of blogging that I've wanted to shut down, just because I wanted to isolate myself from people because of the struggles.
But I'm still here.
So, I've been feeling this struggle and unsure how to really get on top of it. Prayer didn't help because I didn't know how to pray about it. All I knew was that I hurt and wanted circumstances in my life to be different. I'd cry while praying, but that wasn't accomplishing much.
Thank the Lord for godly friends that share scripture. And not just any scripture, but the very scripture that meets the need. The very scripture that kept coming up again and again the last couple of weeks. The one that I meant to memorize and haven't gotten around to it yet.
My problem was that I wanted a certain situation to be a certain way, and it just isn't working out that way right now... which hurts. My friend, perceiving my idol for what it was, shared these verses with me...
Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry. ~Psalm 73:25 - 27
Then she asked me a question... Is your portion going to be [certain situation] or is it going to be God? Let me put it in different terms for you. Are you going to make [certain situation] the most important thing in your life, or is God going to be the most important thing in your life?
Immediately, I recognized how large of a contrast it is to compare my relationship with God to needing this desire fulfilled in my life in order to be happy. It is incomparable! I need God... more than anything else.
Suddenly that certain situation didn't seem so important anymore. That's peace.
Girl, I struggle too! These past few weeks have been a wrestling match of sorts as God is trying to wrestle the desires that I hold too early out of my hand. Of course, he could come and pluck them away, but I think He'd rather me offer them up freely. It's a daily/hourly struggle, but I'm trying to hold my hand open.
ReplyDelete(((HUG)))
Liz,
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you.
I hear you and I've felt the same way many times. Sadly, "if only" is a common theme of my prayers. Thank you for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and being so transparent. :-)
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